'Nick-knacks From The Week That Was
Apparently, the New York Islanders' front office believes that giving former Stanley Cup-winning GM Neil Smith 0 games to right the team's ship and then giving the car keys to a backup goalie is a prudent decision. They're absolutely right! If this picture is any indication, Garth Snow will have no problem attracting women to the rink:
Danica Patrick In Talks With NASCAR To Continue Losing
Bored with losing every race she's ever competed in on the IndyCar circuit and still basking in the glow of leading one lap of last year's Indianapolis 500, Ms. Patrick is now in talks with NASCAR to join one of its racing teams. All I have to say is...I know it. You know it. It's a shame that she is more concerned with increasing her marketability and earnings potential than actually ensuring that she can back up all the hubbub with some results. Sure, you can say that she's well within her rights to do this, but if Anna Kournikova provides any lesson at all, it's that selling your soul to the devil in exchange for your dedication to the sport simply makes you a really hot laughingstock (and where is she now??) If NASCAR really wants to expand upon its female audience, they should just enlist Garth Snow.
Shea Hillenbrand Still Thinks He's Jeff Bagwell
In a bizarre turn of events, the Toronto Blue Jays rid themselves of perennial malcontent/DH Shea Hillenbrand this week after he suffered a complete mental meltdown and began alienating the entire team. Upset by his belief that the team did not support him suitably while he took a leave of absence to adopt a child, Hillenbrand flew off the handle. He left the juvenile messages "Play for yourself" and "The ship is sinking" on the team's batting practice message board and refused to sit in the dugout after being held out of the starting lineup for two straight games. John Gibbons, the normally genial Blue Jays manager, was infuriated to the point of challenging Hillenbrand to a fight in front of the team. By the next day, he was designated for assignment, and so left the man who once called Red Sox GM Theo Epstein a "fag" who would regret his decision to trade Shea as much as the Sox organization regretted the infamous Jeff Bagwell trade. Uh yeah, Shea...you're Jeff Bagwell alright...Jeff Bagwell without power, plate discipline, or a glove!
(Editor's Note: Hillenbrand was traded last night to the San Francisco Giants along with reliever Vinnie Chulk for relief pitcher Jeremy Accardo...Shea and Barry in the same clubhouse--just about as good of a dynamic as, say, Barry and Jeff Kent!)
Another Guy With Cowboy Name En Route To Winning Tour De France
American cyclist Floyd Landis miraculously recovered from a disastrous late stage in the race to recover the lead and become a lock to capture his first Tour de France title. Landis, who is virtually unknown outside of racing circles (can you think of one person you know who's a racing enthusiast? me neither!), has overcome a chronic degenerative condition in his hip similar to Bo Jackson's that is so troublesome that he is unsure if he could even return next year for the race. Meanwhile, I'll sit here and eat pizza and maybe take some time out at the driving range...if it's not raining.
Football Players Getting Shot All Over The Place!
Earlier this week, Cowboys safety Keith Davis was shot twice in a 5AM drive-by shooting, with one bullet grazing the back of his head and the other lodged in his thigh. The most disturbing part of this story is that this is the SECOND time Davis has been shot multiple times!!! In 2003, he was shot thrice after enjoying himself at a Dallas strip club, so we're obviously talking about a classy fella here.
Yesterday, Miami Hurricanes Junior safety Willie Cooper was shot in the derriere at 6:30 AM outside his apartment. The most disturbing part of this story was that Cooper's teammate Brandon Meriweather ensued to pull out his own firearm and fire shots at Cooper's assailant.
So what's the moral of the story? If you're a football player, being up after 5 AM in a sketchy area is a baaad idea.
Birdies and Eagles and Tiger, Oh My!
As RumorMan (and Pat Forde from ESPN.com) predicted, Eldrick has stormed out to an early lead in the British Open at Hoylake Craphole Golf Club. Seeing that we're not talking about Phil Mickelson, Tiger should continue to keep going strong (seeing that he has never reliquished a lead after entering the final round of a tournament as the leader) while sticking with his new driver-less strategy. It's amazing that it even took him this long to make the decision, seeing that he can bomb his woods and irons much more consistently than he does with his driver.
